How Values Change

Values only begin shifting when new behavioral changes continue over time. As values shift, so does internal consonance, and emotional reactions eventually follow as well. First you make the actual change. Secondly you consistently continue the new pattern of choices. Thirdly your feelings shift so that eventually you are emotionally "motivated" to continue the changed behaviors.

You can't "want to" first. You must do it first, then "want to later".

The kinds of intellectual and verbal insights into patterns that develop during psychotherapy do not, by themselves, lead to significant behavioral change. People can talk indefinitely about what's the matter with them, can recognize quickly dysfunctional patterns of behavior, deplore the childhood that "makes them" the way they are, and NOTHING will happen until they change their behaviors.

AFTER the behaviors have changed, the personality structures and value systems will shift to accommodate the changes in behavior. Frequently, at this point, the person begins to "understand" in a new way what it was they were doing and why. But that understanding is subsequent to behavioral change, not prior to it.