Monday, October 15, 2007

The function of truth in therapy: Comments on Kaiser

Helmuth Kaiser's theory was that therapy occurred when at least two people were together and at least one of them said what s/he meant and meant what s/he said. He believed that people pretended to understand one another rather than accept the total separateness and isolation of their lives.

While I believe there is some validity in the first statement, I'm not at all sure about the second. Suppose, for instance, that there is a therapist (I'll use male references) and a patient. When the therapist "says what he means and means what he says", who changes? One? Both? Imagine now that the therapist spends the entire hour talking "truthfully" about himself. How could that possibly be effective treatment for the patient? On the other hand, how can the therapist induce the patient to say what he means and mean what he says?

Instead let's look at the issue from a standpoint I have proposed in previous notes. When the therapist gives a truthful response instead of following the social rules, s/he destabilizes the situation. That is, by breaking out of the social role and responding authentically to the patient, s/he makes it possible, or even necessary, for something new to take place. Now the patient can think and say something new, something that is not a social cliche or a comfortable lie. Of course the patient can invent new lies, but that takes a great deal of creativity and is hard to sustain in an ongoing interaction.

So I think the therapist moves the therapy along by speaking the truth, however uncomfortable, by saying what he means and meaning what he says, and thus makes it possible for the patient to think of himself in a new way, one that is more honest. This can be an uncomfortable process, certainly an anxiety-provoking one. (There are many examples in the "Dishonesty Dialogues.) When I pay attention to my interactions with other people, it is astonishing to me how much of the time I hide behind socially acceptable lies. If I tell the truth in social situations, however, no matter how tactfully and kindly, it doesn't take long for the room to empty and for people to find more comfortable and less challenging conversations. But the few that stick around or come back for more are worth getting to know. When I tell the truth in a therapy session, the patient is freed to change, think, get more in touch with himself, make his meanings and words fit together.

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