Breaking the rules

It's interesting how many times (a day) I hear people excusing their breaking the rules with the excuse that their rule-breaking was justified by strong feelings. "I just got so mad I flipped him off" or "I was so upset I didn't know what I was saying" or "She/he/it made me so angry I couldn't control myself" or.....

It's as if they think they have some free pass to violate the rules of the domain or system they're in because of strong feelings, like a "Get Out of Jail Free" card. The rules apply, UNLESS the person feels very strongly. Of course strong feelings make impulse control more of an issue, but do they excuse behavior? Do people think they should be allowed to break the law on the basis of poor impulse control? Is it ok to say "I killed him because I just got so mad I couldn't help myself"?

And of course it seems that we do allow this to some degree. Judges and juries are more lenient to crimes committed in the "heat of passion" than they are to "cold-blooded" or calculated crimes, although there is little difference to the victim. The issue seems to be whether we can always be expected to be responsible for our actions, under all emotional conditions. Do we believe that people can feel strongly enough that they are no longer accountable for their actions, or do we believe that people are always responsible for and accountable for their behaviors?

Years ago I had to evaluate the mental state of an elderly farmer who was accused (and who admitted to) killing his wife impulsively. He told me she had come up behind him quietly and "goosed" him, and that, startled, he spun around and slapped her, resulting in her falling, hitting her head and dying. After telling me this quietly, he thought for a minute, and said the following: "You know, I've been a good man all my life. Raised my kids, went to church regular, worked hard and made my own way. Now, one killing and all of a sudden I'm a murderer".