I don't mean all anger. Some anger is purely and simply the result of frustration. The world, the traffic, our boss... something isn't done as it should be. Something gets in our way, and we lash out at it.
But some anger derives from fear, which it conceals. A friend gets angry at me and I respond by getting angry back. What really happened was that his anger made me anxious, frightened me with the thought of losing a friend or simply of being disliked/rejected. So I covered it with anger, which is a more comfortable part of my self-image than that of being afraid. Sometimes I get angry because I'm afraid that if I let it go on or show fear, the other person will "bully" me. Sometimes I get angry because I don't want people to think of me as afraid. Maybe I simply don't want to think of myself as fearful. Maybe it's easier to think "I'm a little anxious" than "I'm a little afraid".
Angry behavior stabilizes and verifies my self-image as "I'm ready to stand up for myself". It also locks me into behavior that is frequently unhelpful and generally ineffective. If I want to change that behavior, I have to tell myself and others the truth so that I can begin to move on.
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