Libertarian Party Invites Me To Run

True, they didn't say for what, nor  even  how fast.  And they added that they would appreciate a contribution, and I have this hunch that my running for something, say President or even World Emperor, would be contingent on the contribution amount.  President would be enough for me.  I'm a simple man.

Well, I'm not interested in politics, really.  The company you have to keep is pretty distasteful.  But I am interested in total, nearly unbridled power.  I am confident that I could use such power wisely and remain uncorrupted, or at least uncorrupted for, say, six months. After that I should be watched closely. At my age, how much longer could I last, anyway?

So I've given some thought to my platform, and I will welcome comments, which for the most part I intend to ignore.  Still,  crowd-sourcing sometimes is surprisingly effective.  The first 5 items have to do with Congress:

One:  All Congressmen (and Congresswomen) will have their current ridiculous life-time pensions reduced and the term on their pensions will be limited to the number of years they were in Congress.  Four years in office, four years pension.  That's a better deal than they deserve.

Two:  All Congresspeople will have Medicare ONLY.  They don't get a special deal.  If they want more insurance they can pay for it, same as we do.

Three:  Congress is not allowed to set their own salaries and benefits.  It seems unreasonable to allow the pigs to vote on how much goes into their trough.  A Citizen's Committee, appointed by me, will make recommendations for any salary or benefit changes, and I will put the recommendations on the internet and allow all American citizens to vote for them.

Four:  Amendments to bills will be limited to amendments that relate to the content of the bill.  No more adding the costs of their driveways to the National Parks budget.  This will cause  some major changes in the way Congress does business; it will specifically affect pork-barrel legislation.  Each bill will have to be voted on based entirely on its specific merits.  This alone should cut down the budget and the time to decide on it.

Five:  If campaign promises are broken, the Congressperson may be expelled by vote of his district.

But enough about Congress, though I would consider a movement to make corruption and graft in office a capital offense, to be  carried out publically by firing squad or beheading.  And don't give me any crap about "cruel and unusual punishment".  The jihadists do it, so it must be ok.  The remaining items are about general policy.

Six:  I will have line-item veto on any bills.  This is probably the single most important item in my program.  Congress has used its ability to tie personal crap to otherwise good bills we MUST pass, so that they can bribe each other with public funds.  In particular this will apply to the Budget.

Seven:  Budget items that I regard as superfluous, excessive, or ill-advised will be vetoed by me.  However, I may call a national internet vote on certain less-necessary but valuable issues, such as NPR.  We can only afford what we can afford.  Some good things will have to be put off until later. And bear in mind that much of our military costs are actually spent  IN the US, which keeps a lot of people employed, able to afford marijuana and stay quietly off the streets.

Eight:  I will consider re-establishing a tariff on goods produced outside the US and brought in.  The intention is to keep more money inside the US and stop sending it to other countries.  I will demand a revocation of NAFTA. It's nice to help Nike find cheap labor that helps the abysmally poor people in other countries, but I would rather help our own poor, at least to the extent they are willing to work.

Nine.  No more sending our forces overseas except to defend us.  The exception might be that if the UN votes for military sanctions, AND if all the other countries in the UN agree to send their own troops, I could be persuaded.  But I'm tired of us being the playground guard for the rest of the world.  All they have to do to be fine with me is to stop trying to kill us.  I really don't care if they want to kill each other in the name of whatever primitive religious beliefs they have, as long as they don't try it with us.

Personal pledges by me:  I will be absolutely honest.  I will say what I mean and mean what I say. (This has already limited my social desirability).   At my age I am immune to personal bribes or seductions by interns.  I already have more than I need, so I am not corruptible. I haven't done anything that could be used to blackmail me. I will ask for popular vote of confidence via internet on a regular basis concerning issues affecting the general welfare.  I have no intentions of going to church or praying to or for  anything and I have no intentions of stopping others from such forms of activity. So if you want to be religious, you won't get a problem from me.  Unless you give me one.

Since I am pretty much immune to the usual political influences (see above),  a number of  people will want me dead.  You can easily guess which group or combination of houses would be behind an assassination, although they will probably hire a middle-Easterner so it will look like a terrorist plot. 

After six months I think my term should be renewable by popular vote (internet style).  We could call for a vote of confidence/no confidence every 3 months thereafter.  I'm a honest and honorable sort of person, but who knows how that much power might affect me?  It's never safe to allow that kind of power to remain in one person's hands without time/term limits. Except for me.

Also a qualification:  while sitting on my porch and drinking my coffee, I was accidentally sprayed with a shrubbery-spray intended to kill fungus and insects.  At this point, I should be fungus and bug-free for the near future, which not only is a plus but puts me ahead of the other candidates.

So I'm open to suggestions.  Any thoughts or additions?