IMAGINARY DIALOGUES: WHY RELIGIOUS LEADERS NEVER MARRIED

It occurred to me recently that in at least two of the major religious groups in the world the founders of them were unmarried.  I wondered how their lives might have gone if they had had family responsibilities.  Siddhartha Gautama (the Buddha) was married briefly, but left his wife and children to become enlightened.  Jesus (as far as we know) was never married, although we don't know much about him from his early adolescence to age 30 other than his worker as carpenter when he  took teaching.  So the below is a set of imaginary dialogues.

Mrs. Gautama:   Sid, did you remember to take out the trash?
Siddhartha: No, sorry.  I was busy thinking.
Mrs. G:  You’re always busy thinking, but the trash won’t take itself out.
Siddhartha:   I know, I know.  You’re right.  (Gets up from under the bo tree and gets the trash)
Mrs. G:  And while you’re out there, see what the kids are doing.
Siddhartha: OK, OK. (leaves and returns)
Mrs. G:  When are you going with me to the market?  I can’t carry all the food myself.
Siddhartha:  Whenever you want.
Mrs. G:  “Want?”  I don’t “want” to go, but we all want to eat.  Not that we can buy much with the money people give you.
Siddhartha:  I’m a teacher, I take what they give me.
Mrs. G:   You need to be more assertive, Sid.  It’s all very well for you to be so… so peaceful and all, but we have to live on what you make.
Siddhartha:  Maybe you should try just.. letting things go more.  Peaceful is a good thing.
Mrs. G:  It's a good thing for YOU.  "Peaceful" don't feed the kids or do the laundry.
Siddhartha:  What do you want me to do, for God’s sake?
Mrs. G:  Like I get a vote.  You’re the man, make a damn decision.
Siddhartha:  I made a decision.  You just don't like it.  (goes out and slams the door)

Jesus: I’ve got to go, honey.  The guys are waiting for me.
Mrs. Jesus:  That’s right, leave me with the kids to manage.  Just go on.  Be with your buddies.
Jesus:  It’s what I have to do.
Mrs. Jesus:  Don’t give me that crap.  You do what you want to do, you always do.  I get tired being stuck in this house with the kids, you know.  You get to get away with your buddies.  I don’t see what’s so important about hanging out.
J:  God wants me to do this.
Mrs. Jesus: So you say.  He never told me.  I got your word that God talks to you.  When’s he gonna tell you that you need to be a mensch and take care of your family?
J:  My family is the whole world.
Mrs. Jesus:  Bullshit.  THIS is your family.  The rest is just a bunch of people who like to sit around with you and talk politics and religion.  They wouldn’t know the real world if it bit them in the ass.
J:  (comes back in the house).  You’re right.  Sometimes I lose perspective.  I tell the people to give to Caesar the things that belong to Caesar, sometimes I forget that some things belong to the world and some to the family.
Mrs. J:  Damn straight.  (turns, opens the door to another room, looks in) Junior, you stop teasing your little sister!  How many times I got to tell you?
J:  You listen to your mother!  God wants you to be nice and love everybody.
Junior:  I gotta love my yucky sister?  Not gonna happen, Dad.
Maybelline:  Daddy, make him stop!  (she cries loudly)
Mrs. Jesus:  I swear, I don’t know what to do.  You handle this.  I’m fed up.
J:  (Sits down next to the children).   I’m gonna tell you a story, OK?
Junior:  A good story?
J:  Sure.  It’s about a Good Samaritan.
Junior:  Has it got any talking animals or crooks and people with weapons?
J:  No, no, it’s about a man from another country who’s a good guy.
Maybelline:  I don’t want to hear a story like that.  They’re BORING!
Junior:  It’s OK, dad, I’ll just go work in the shop.
Mrs. Jesus:  Jesus, don’t you let him go out there with all those tools!
J:  Stay in here, Junior.
Mrs. Jesus:  (to Jesus) And when are you going to make some furniture to sell?  We can’t live much longer on what people give you.  You got a trade, you’re a good carpenter.  So make something, for God’s sake, and maybe I could sell it in the market and we get something good to eat!  Jesus, I’m tired of pottage and gruel
J:  OK, OK, just lay off me.  I got things to think about.
Mrs. Jesus:  Think all you want.  Just get off your butt and do something!