Gratitude

It seems clear to me that it takes a pure heart indeed to do good deeds without resentment. Many people I talk to have tried to be "good people" by doing "unselfishly" for family or friends. But we all have built in a sense of fairness or balance, and sometimes without realizing it we are building up a sense of expectation of payback, payback in the form of friendship or love or gratitude. When it doesn't materialize, we get gradually more resentful and cynical. "No good deed goes unpunished", we say.

In fact it seems to me that the more we do for someone, the more likely they are to resent us and avoid us, perhaps out of a sense that they owe us something. They don't like feeling obligated, some tell me. They find themselves even mildly distrustful of the person who has done them a series of services. "What are they after from me?" they ask. And many times they are right. The good-deed-doer does expect something back, and they are waiting for the person they helped to show a sense of obligation and gratitude.

Not gonna happen. That road is how you become a doormat and permanently disappointed. If you can't do a good deed just for the internal satisfaction of doing something nice, you can expect to feel short-changed. "Do unto others" is good advice, but don't expect gratitude.