Detachment versus non-attachment

Followers of a particular religion tend, over time, to emphasize and even exaggerate tenets of their belief. I imagine that this "enhancement" of their belief system also helps emphasize the stature and importance of their religion and thus of themselves. In some cases, though, the exaggeration simply an exaggeration and simplification of the original philosophy until it's more easily understood by less educated members.

For instance, Buddha demonstrated philosophically that "clinging" to transitory and impermanent things led to misery and sorrow. This applies both to material objects and to beliefs or people. He didn't say we couldn't value them or even love them, only that clinging to them as if we had some permanent right to them predictably led to misery. It is important in Buddhist philosophy that we recognize that nothing, absolutely nothing, lasts. However, many Buddhists over the years have taken that philosophy to an extreme position: they believe we should not "own" or have anything. They avoid personal relationships, families, falling in love, being loyal, having possessions, and so on. This attitude is exactly identical with that of the small child who says "I just don't want it if I can't keep it". They try to insulate themselves from suffering by avoiding life and its unavoidable pains. Old age, sickness and death can't be avoided, and they bring with them the pain of loss. These events don't require us to suffer as well, and it is suffering that the Buddha taught that we can totally avoid.

Total detachment from everything results in a life style which is devoid of commitment, connection, and pleasure. Obviously if you can't keep pleasure or joy, you will miss them when you don't have them. The reality is that you can enjoy things and treasure them more when you know beyond doubt that you will not be able to keep them. If you love someone, at best one of you will lose the other. To think that to avoid the pain of loss you should stop loving them now is the grossest possible misinterpretation of Buddhist thought. Non-attachment is healthy; detachment is not.

The reality is that you cannot protect yourself against the pain of loss. It is equally real that you can protect yourself against needless suffering. However, to avoid suffering it isn't necessary to avoid life itself. It matters only that you should recognize the transitory, changing nature of everything and try to enjoy what you can quickly before it is gone forever.